Effect of Communication styles in Relationships

Communication is the most important aspect of a relationship. There are three major communication styles. Assertive, Passive, and Aggressive.

Assertive communication is being able stand up for your own needs without negating the needs of other people. For actively asserting a person uses a firm voice, openness to listening, and a direct eye contact.

The advantage is that you get your needs met, and you have confidence while the disadvantage is that you might not be liked by people, looked upon as selfish for being direct and putting your own needs ahead of theirs.

Passive communication is not actively stating your own needs while putting other's needs ahead of your own. This could lead to violating your own rights. Consequently, you can feel undervalued, leading to feelings of worthlessness, guilt, anxiety and depression. The traits of passive communication are apologizing inappropriately, dismissing yourself and your wishes, poor eye contact, and not expressing your true feelings.

The advantage is that you get praised, protected and looked after by others, while the disadvantage is that you get used, and taken advantage by other people which might cause feelings of anger, stress or depression.

Aggressive communication style is when your needs are being met but others rights and needs are violated. This can involve communicating in a demanding way, which can be threatening, intimidation, blaming, clenching fists, staring the other person down, sarcasm, asking questions in a hostile way, intruding, being cold and withdrawn.

The advantage is that you get your needs fulfilled, and feel powerful. The disadvantage is that people do not want to be around you and you end up feeling lonely which might also lead to relationship issues.

There is no one particular style of communication you need to practice in every situation. It is important to reflect on your past experiences with your communication styles and how it affected you. How was the reaction of other people? Did it work to your advantage? Did you lose anything? What was your benefit, if any? Do you need to change anything? How did you deal with conflict? Is there anything you are loosing out? See the bigger picture and reflect on what you want in life and consequently, adopt a communication style to suit your needs.

There is a very big cultural connection to a person's communication style. In collectivist cultures, passive communication is common where the needs of the group supersede a person's own needs, while in individualistic cultures, the emphasis is on the needs of every person individually, thus making assertiveness a common communication style in individualistic societies.

Furthermore, it is a personal choice as to how much you want to be left alone versus going along with others wishes sometimes for the sake of better relationships. It doesn't have to be an absolute either way. However, aggressivenes can be definitely used when you are ok to cut off relationships with someone, but for building and improving relationships a combination of passive and assertive styles can be used carefully as and when needed.